Understanding Child's Needs and Concerns | Sharing Concerns | Understanding the Concerns of Parents of Students | Understanding Child Protection

Understanding Child's Needs and Concerns

The most common reason for a child’s misbehaviour is the need of attention. The child feels inadequate unless he is constantly at the centre of things. He thinks, “I have no place unless people pay attention to Me.” A lack of self esteem fuels craving for attention further.

Children at times appear lazy and shy. Few kids are overly sensitive; they will show displeasure by crying or withdrawing.  They will be motivated their need for attention. Few can be more manipulative, but their objective will be the same as they all need attention and manipulation and helplessness are the alternative ways to get it.

Parents give excessive attention to keep the peace. However if children are achieving what they want, their need and appetite for attention will only grow more. In order to solve such behavioural problem it is essential to make children’s part of the solution.

Children need to understand what motivates their behaviour and they need to recognize that in order to be able to generate positive attention they will have to give up some of the inappropriate acts such as shouting, getting hyper, crying, becoming silent, beating people around etc. They should realize the fact that they need to earn the positive attention.

 For this, parents need to develop a solution together with them. The parents and children need to discuss why things aren't working and to start to develop a strategy together. To create a conducive atmosphere, parents should provide a relaxed, non-threatening, opportunity to have a serious talk; for example, a walk in the park, a quiet trip, neither of which is too exciting so as to stop a serious discussion nor too confining so as to feel frightening.

The idea is to make an agreement with the child (it works with adolescents as well).  Through this, a parent tells his child that when and under what circumstances how much attention-calling behaviour is allowed. Here is what should emerge from the talk:

1. The child must feel that the adult is making a special effort to recognize his needs and his contribution.
2. The parent will make every effort to show the child approval and appreciation and to call attention to appropriate behaviour.
3. The parent will watch for every opportunity to recognize the child's positive behaviour and be ready with unexpected compliments; he will look for opportunities to catch him being good.
4. The parent should give a child unconditional reward, this would raise their sense of worth
5. Children’s acts should be seen in isolation and they should not be blamed every time for a single mistake

The next step is to help children learn appropriate and socially acceptable ways to deal with the world. This is the essence of a behaviour modification plan; this will bring the desired behaviour change. For example:

When a child becomes too loud or seems to be unable to stop shouting, the father or mother should catch his eye and touch his ears as a reminder, he will be expected to tone down. As soon as he does that the father will look for an opportunity to compliment him.

When a child goes into the helpless mode, waiting for attention, the child should be ignored. But, parents will offer a suggestion to do something with some encouragement. A compliment should follow and initiative in doing something had previously sought help for. Parent will ignore and show displeasure and give a signal that its time to do something positive for own self rather than be overly sensitive about some thing else.

Children will feel so much better getting positive attention that it will no longer be important to try to get negative attention. In addition, their self esteem will increase as they learn to be in better control of their moods and behaviour.
Parents should also talk to the school management and teachers regarding their children needs and coordinate their behaviour management plan. It is an important part of parenting that the child learns to work confidently in the school environment

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